Monday, April 23, 2007

Selamat datang melaka!

Went on a 2 day 1 night trip to Malacca with 9 other girls (Powerpuff girls, colleagues, ex-colleagues) as part of our farewell present to Angela and what a great trip it was. We stayed in a fantastic hotel right smack where the Saturday night pasar malam was and walking distance to the sights and great food. Our hotel was Hotel Puri, which was converted from some rich businessman's mansion from early 19th century. The facade was really classical and I love the old tiles, furniture and decor which was left mostly unchanged. The rooms themselves were comfortable and looked newly renovated. One of the room, which was a family room, was big enough for all 10 of us if we wanted to squeeze in together!

Fei was a whiz at organizing the trip from the bus tics, to accommodation and food choices. We tried the famous chicken rice balls, chendol, nonya laska, mee siam, nonya chicken wings, Portuguese devil's curry and other various scrumptious food. And everything was really cheap too! Though the weather was hot, we walked around quite a bit and i spent all my money on buying funny orangutan tshirts for myself and wilk, eating and alcohol on saturday night. I also exhausted both my camera batteries taking snapshots of various sights and people. The unfortunately thing was that while doing so i also accidentally dropped wilk's spare SD storage card which i did not noticed was in the camera bag (sorry!!). Hopefully no compromising pictures inside... well, with me and wilk, sometimes its hard to say (haha).

Anyway, good trip for all, great to catch up with WF and Zic and even MH ended up much more well-rested than her weekend at home. More poignant was that this would probably be the last trip (for a long while) for all the Powerpuff girls to take together before going our separate ways in the coming months. We laughed at how "lao er" was the first to go instead of this "lao da" here. And how even "lao yao" will also be leaving at the end of the year after "lao san". Seems funny at first but its really just the start of a series of goodbyes.

Saw everyone enjoying themselves and each other's company was nice. I think Angela was also touched and happy to have sometime to spend with the girls before she go. Can't say i did very much, cos' in situations like this, i am more often standing on the sidelines than jumping in the thick of action. Guess "lao da" is quite a boring person and has poor group skills. Hahaha. But i am very contented to look at everyone and watch what's happening quietly because it's difficult to shake off the fact that this is a 'goodbye'. Not just for Angela, but in some ways, also for myself. So I am just attempting to imprint people as they are, the way they talk, play, have fun and be themselves with my camera. It also gives me time to think about what these girls mean to me and who they really are as a person because sometimes when you are right in the midst of the action, you will hardly have time to do so.

Some of the things i found out and love them for:

If there were to be any more trips like this, always room LS & Kat together because they are both crazy, passion-filled, nutty girls that are just light up places with their internal sunshine. LS love taking photos just slightly more than posing for them while Kat love posing for photos just slightly more than taking them. In some ways LS is alot like me when i am channelling my sunshine bear from within. Her forwardness and candid look at life speaks volumes about her personality. In a lot of ways both Kat & LS are alike in both their outlook and their inherent optimism which can be really contagious (even lethal when they are together) if natural pessimistic folks are not careful. Both are not prone to show much signs of sadness to others but seems to have an unusual ability to see the best (or funny) side to any bad situation. Of course Kat is a little bit more of the shopping queen (great bargainer) & dress-up gal but just give LS abit more time and encouragement, i am sure there will be a day she will surprise up in that dept once she start to feel more comfortable with herself & more confident with a more feminine image.

Regardless of her sometimes quiet & aloof exterior, zic is just as girly and chatty as PS, which makes them great roomies because they share more things in common than they realized such as multiple-steps facial routines, the simultaneous neglect in bringing toothpaste and shopping. Perhaps the most amazing thing to me (but its really an utterly simple thing) was the fact that zic washes all her clothes by hand despite looking very much like a girl being waited-upon from hand to foot at home. And when she said it, it was with an easy smile and absolute candor that for some reasons pretty much floored me completely.

It is really hard to find anyone nicer than PS in the whole world so it is not surprising that there isn't much more nice things i can observed about this dear girl in this trip which i have not seen or said before. She was always cheerful and sweet, even when shopping for gifts, i wonder how much she has spent on others instead of herself. Of course there are times when i couldn't help but laugh about her confession of being clueless with directions (that was after we half worried that the reason of her, kat and zic being late was that she was lost), her genuine excitement when she spoke about talking to her roomie comparing facial products and finding her and zic eating the same type of ice cream together while buying things, like two peas in a pod.

Fi has a serious and mature side of her in managing her own life, not often seen in causal interactions. Yes, at times she can be abit grouchy (like me) but its funny to see how she takes the place of being the 'grown-up', rolling her eyes at the antics of the young ones, just as soon as she participates in them in the next minute. Guess that chirpy bouncy persona of hers, at times settles into a mature, firm young lady, with great sardonic wit. But most of all, to me, she will always be that funny humming girl with a penchant for white doggies (esp smiley ones).

WF looks so much more serious than she really is and understood rude jokes despite her rather prim & proper look. She is always smiling and steadfast in her conviction to do her part in saving our environment, talking the talk and walking the walk. Just being around her, a living example, constantly makes me think twice about using more plastic bag or turning on the aircon and doing my bit too. Ah, and she can drink as much as she said she can and sleeps in in the morning.

Fei isn't much different in how she handles work or relationships, in her attitude and organizational abilities. She treats everyone fairly and as independent adult, asking nothing more than being treated the same way. Being a roomie has one great advantage, no beating about the bush or having to feel like needing to bend oneself backward on either parties to accommodate each other. One thing though, she is definitely one who will be very house-proud and makes a damn good hostess. One of the most independent and emotionally confident person i've ever knew.

MH... is the least like anyone i know and the exact opposite of fei. I saw how she tries her best to be part of a group that is obviously quite alien to her and there's a little bit of the simplicity and guilelessness in MH that is both innocent and rare. It would be much easier to think of her as silly and easily taken advantage of but really, she is only trying her best to be what she thinks makes a good wife and Christian. It's strangely enduring the way she indulged in her little 'follies' like cuttlefish away from her hubby but it just bellies a greater problem of how much she can be subjected to being bullied if she does not start to understand her own worth. It will be too cruel to say that she ought to be pitied now that i saw her away from her "M" and know her a little bit more. All i can say is, i am just more worried.

As for Angela... I doubt there are any more things one does not know after working closely together for the past 6 years and being good friends for most of those years. The trip is really more for her to know the others and saying goodbye to them in her way than saying goodbye to me. Frankly, a lot of things can be understood without being spoken and like me, while we will complain like hell when we are angry, its unusual to see either of us share about sadness (even to each other) vocally. I guess we respect each other's way of coping with changes and life but its not without understanding where each other is coming from for the fear of being misunderstood. Besides, making farewell too touchy and weepy will just make Angela uncomfortable and who knows.. draw tears which i am sure she will loathe to show in public. :) Its better to go with a laugh than feeling like a million emotions are holding you back.

Will put the photos up soon. Wished that wilk's mac didn't die cos' he is really good at sorting out photos, editing them and posting up on flickr. Oh well...

"Betrayed"

Wanted to post this a while back but been hampered by a lot of things happening...

Remember i said i had told my HOD about my intention to leave? Well, at that time, she tried her best to convince me and fei to stay longer so as to help her managed with two new staff in our department; individually asking fei to stay till Sept and me, till end of the year. Looking at how stressed she was and considering the new girls, me and fei gave our agreement to extend our proposed time of departure.

I still remembered my HOD going on and on about how she felt responsible for the new staff and despite all that has happened in school, she felt its her duty to help these new girls till their confirmation and settled into the school before thinking of other plans. She also shared how she understood our reasons for leaving but said that she could not do the same.

What a load of bullshit.

Right after the March school hols, she took a day off for 'personal reasons' on the day she was due in our school. I recalled telling fei jokingly that perhaps she has gone for a job interview. The very next day she called us together and dropped the whole bombshell on us.

Yes. She is leaving.
Yes. She has accepted another place's offer.
And get this... she starts in her new place from mid June, making her last day here the end of May.

WAY before either of us.

What a horrible thing to do and being betrayed is the most polite thing i can say right now about her. She literally suckered us to stay and she happily took off herself. So much for us for trying to have some integrity by informing her of our decision early so that she could prepare for it. She didn't even gave us any hint or warning before she went off and got another job.

And you know what the most disgusting thing is?

While telling us her decision, all she could do was self-centeredly telling us how it wouldn't matter if she stay on till end of the year or otherwise (conveniently forgetting how she had begged us to stay till then and how it would make a big difference to HER). How good her new job is. How interesting her interview went. How one of the thing that interest her was supervising new psychologists so that they have a good foundation. I believe that it was at this point our new psychologist walked out of the meeting, on the pretext of getting her lunch and didn't come back till much later.

*Shake head* Man... i just wanted to whack her there and then. It's so UNBELIEVABLE! The gall to waltz in and tell us all this without so much as a sense of guilt and remorse or even the slightest embarrassment.

Now management wants to promote me to fill up a supervisory gap and despite me not wanting to take the job (second time it was offered since i rejected it the first time late last year while HOD was still 'alive' in our dept), i was tempted to take it partially just to spite that woman because i knew she wouldn't ever recommended me for the post if she was around (even the first time mgt offered, it was behind her back).

But i guess i also have to face the reality of things. Everyone is just looking out for themselves and if they could scrapgoat you just to get off this sinking ship, they would. No matter how much 'integrity' they have. I am just the stupid idiot that fell right for it cos' i believed in having integrity and bearing moral responsibility, even towards a place or people that stopped practicing them.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Bye Bye!

Yesterday was Angela's last day but I missed it because i was at home on MC. Wonder if it was a blessing in disguise because it made saying "Bye" a lot less... sad. Still it was hard driving into the school carpark and not seeing her car anymore. Quite a big wallop that says even my best friend at work has left this dumpster of a place and I'm gonna be alone. Felt like shit on a Friday morning, and it ain't the virus talking either.

It is perhaps of small wonder that i fell sick on Wednesday just before the farewell lunch which i have helped planned. Dunno sick or sad or what... but i couldn't eat much and absolutely have no interest in the food or the farewell speeches etc. Everyone seems pretty cheerful and all but man, i felt like a car wreck. Sadness and virus is quite a lethal combination.

Surreal. Now that Angela is gone, i find it a bit stressful that i'll no longer have a safe harbor to 'hide' myself whenever i am trying to avoid certain people at work. Used to be, Angela's room is a great place to be when i wanted to 'bitch' about someone or just vent my frustrations, she would also cover for me when people comes around to harass me. I think the other girls now occupying the room will find that a tad bit odd. Looks like there won't be much of a safe haven to let off steam now.

Sigh.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Getting there...

HAHAHA

Did my own little editing and finally got a semblance of my own template back.
Needs more work though... but for now, i am comfortable with it.

Ahhhhhh..... :)

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Fine!

No choice... Have swapped and abandoned the template i liked so much but not supported on New Blogger. Roll Eyes. There you go.. the template i had picked from the LIMITED selection available. Comment box had to be one supplied by the blogger site. Byebye YACCS. But that's okie. Wanted to changed that for a while anyway.

Sniff.

I hate being forced.


Idiots.

Monday, April 2, 2007

No Mood

Really finding it less and less motivating to blog because of the stupid "white-out" problem... I think i gave up hope of ever finding out what's wrong with it. Seems that new IE and new Blogger isn't working that fantastically together.

No mood to update my life much also because life isn't that interesting since i got back to singapore from melbourne. Looks like it will be a while before there will be any significant changes in this aspect. Still trying to keep my head out of the water and just "survive" but it has not been easy.

Angela is leaving singapore at the end of the month. That's kind of depressing since i am going to lose one of my 'amusement' (her words, not mine) and a great support at work. It will be weird not having Angela around at work after the 21st of April since she has been here from Day 1 when i started work. Can't say that she has found me 'amusing' then, if i remembered correctly, the word 'cocky' or 'arrogant' seems to the general impression she had of me. Ahahaha shows how much things can change over time eh? We watched colleagues come and go... from a point where there were only as many therapists as you can count with two hands, till having our regular badminton and "powerpuff girls" club.. that's pretty good memories to live by and one of the things that keep me sane in this place.

That said, everyone has got to keep moving forward nonetheless. Others like PP, MeiY, Daph, Denise, WF, Dav, Eliz has all moved. Angela is moving forward. Soon it will be Fei and LS. Who will be left? But then, people came too, there was a time when Fio, PS, LS and now MH, were new too. I guess none of us are quite irreplaceable to the organization, but perhaps in some degrees we are so, in each others' minds depending on how much we had shared with each other. I wonder where do i fit into this coming and going. I very much want to go but things are just happening so slowly.

Life could be better spent than trying to make my life less miserable here. And its crazy when one is not productive and work is no longer meaningful. So, as much as i will miss Angela once she leaves... i can't say that i am not happy for her for leaving behind a work that brings no pleasure, no affirmation, no motivation and no future. Look at J now... at least he is living a fulfilling life that he has chosen compared to when he was here. And as her good friend at work, that's what i hope Angela will have too when she goes, if not move. That's one determined girl who knows what she wants and find means to get it... Well, that might be that bit of bullheadedness and all that 'nasty' things she have up her sleeves for 'fools' she cannot tolerate but at least she reflects and change when she sets her mind to it.

There will be things i don't understand about certain things she feels about people or why she said certain things but really, once you get pass those 'rough' edges, Angela is one true and loyal friend that stick with you through all kinda shit even if she has to slough right through it with you. Man... I am gonna miss her... I think all this while i didn't seem quite bother was probably because i have not been thinking very much about it (well, trying not to) and kept telling myself that it will be a while more before she goes... Well, its April now. She should have left on the 6th, and despite me saying that she should have rid herself of this org, i am pretty happy she extended her term till 21st.

Oh well. Nothing left to say and do... just another stark reminder that i have to start planning for myself concretely ASAP. Misery breeds contempt. I am one contemptuous bitch right now and ain't afraid to show it. But that shouldn't be the way.

I guess... its my time to go too.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

One week hols!

After all those crappy stuff at work... i am now finally relaxing my ass in melbourne with dear meowmeow... chilling out at family's apartment with bro who is working here. Man... so cool not to have to think about work and screening and reports and audits and dealing with irritating people and eating bad lunches and being tired and feeling frustrated and all drained out... ahhhh.... this is blissful!

Reached here on sunday and will leave on coming sunday. Wish the trip is longer... man.. wish i could quit now and not go back at all! Sigh. The weather is fantastic. Lots of sunshine and blue skies, the sun doesnt set till 8pm. A tad chilly cos of the wind but nothing a good fleece jacket can't help. Been bringing meowmeow around town and showing him the place. Thinks he likes it too... am hopeful that he will find a nice course to study here but if not, there are also other places we can consider.

Just nice that Moomba waterfest was also going on the weekend we reached here (monday was also public hol) so we got to go to carnivals and saw a great display of fireworks down at yarra river, up close! The carnivals were really fun too, though we didn't go on any rides (very scary looking and meowmeow didn't want to go up with me). We did however, win a big bart simpson soft toy :D The rides and games were spread across both side of the river, one side mainly for young people and the other side was more for kids and family. Could tell the australians really put alot of emphasis on family life and healthy living.. there were games whole family could play for free and kids could try out fun sports like giant soccer, rugby, floor hockey for free too and its all supervised by games wardens who would also referee on matches and teach the kids to play. And the toilet facilities.. wow.. no complains.. they use recycled water and there were so many cubicles (no need to queue at such big events!) that were clean and not stinky! Impressed!!

Pigging out alot also and the portions were huge.. couldnt finish a whole meal most of the time and needed to doggy bag it. I hope i wouldn't get use to the portions here because i will be fat in no time at all! Maybe that's why i should stick to walking all the time like my bro. :P

Anyway.. its relaxing and fun... really trying not to face up to reality comes sunday evening.. much less think about monday... groan....

Friday, March 9, 2007

Getting Old-er

Last week was my 31st birthday, on 1 march. To think, i'm stepped into the 30s already... was quite depressing initially. Thankfully all that 'feeling blue' bout did not last very long. Wonder if there was some guardian angel watching over me or perhaps i am just so blessed because there are always people around me that lifts me right out from the murky depths of depression.

There's hubby with his captain bluebear cheery-upper despite his own mounting stress and pressure... great family who remembered and fab friends/colleagues who gave me (and my family) a nice big 'crab-bie' treat at Seafood Paradize! :D

Really made my day... to eat big crabs, talk cock sing song with everyone at dinner and receiving a birthday cake & song by colleagues just when i am all tuckered out, playing a dead corpse in the OT room. Heh heh

THANKS!!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Singapore Album & Thoughts...

Well.. if anyone pops in to see the exhibition at the National Museum (17/2 - 11/3), you will get to see the wedding photos of me & wilk, and also our parents and grandparents blown up big big... Ah. Not the most flattering of shots but it was quite nice when placed side by side with our parents/grandparents. Was there at the official opening last friday and was interview by one of the chinese radio station (fm88.3). Too bad we didn't get the hear it over the radio later that evening cos' we were all having a family dinner (his and mine) down at Sichuan Dou Hua. Our wedding album was displayed too though i think they might have kept it after one of the pages fell out after repeated flipping on the day of the opening by other people. Abit heart-pain... sigh. Whole experience was also abit wayang cos' we all (including all our family) had to hang around our "display" till the MP who officiated at the opening come by. Took quite a while before reaching our area too. He commented that our type of album would have a 'market' these days since couples will want something unique.

Well... our experiences so far were that, everyone wants to be unique, yet nobody really wants to fall out of the norm and push the boundaries (except within rather 'safe' limits). At the end of the day, while most people commented that our album was very nice and unique etc etc, not alot of people would want to do anything similar for theirs. Guess bottom line is, while it is all nice to be 'unique', it is also very important to be 'accepted' by the 'majority' of people (i.e. parents, relatives etc) and not go 'too out' of conventional 'wisdom', especially at weddings. It all ends up with couples wanting to be special, but not daring to be 'that' special and not wanting to offend or worry the elders, hence end up with something with vague touches of 'individuality' but really is very much like everyone else's.

Sorry for sounding bitchy... but I do understand how that goes because of the number of elders i had alienated and unconsiously offend by wanting to do the wedding in our own 'individual' way... It all depends if it would be that kinda of path you want to take. Frankly, if you are OK with doing the 'usual' wedding things and really like what you have, who cares about being 'unique'? I am not sure that people should strive to be unique, just for the sake of 'appearing' unique to others. If anything, I would just love for anybody to be able to to fight for what they want regardless of what people say. And if what people say is that important? Then know exactly what you are compromising for and be happy and have no regrets that you have given up your 'individuality' but made others happy.

CNY

I can forsee that CNY will be one of the tougher period of the year for me... Sigh.
Don't know what to say except that, differences sometimes can break you.
Still, we survived and its back to work and face other demands for now.

Happy Lunar New Year people...

White and blank

Crazy blog is still being nuts.
Blogger help is frankly... No HELP at ALL.
Despite sending them emails and dropping enquiries at the help forum.
Quite QUITE irritated.
But will keep on posting... since i doubt many people read this, and its more for myself.. but but but... i like my template... *burst into tears*

Ruskie Ties!

Hahaha Ruskie ties at first place with another lovely kitty at the flickr photo contest! Thanks to all that voted! *grins*

http://flickr.com/groups/gatti_gattini_gattoni/discuss/72157594544433832/

Friday, February 16, 2007

Vote for RUSKIE!

The blog is still WEIRD... So i wonder how many people can see my blog instead of a blank page.. But if you add a ? at the end of the url, the post does apply, though without template. Sigh...

Anyway...

Ruskie (me cat) is in a photo contest and i am shamelessly asking for anyone who can,to go vote for him here.. http://www.flickr.com/groups/gatti_gattini_gattoni/discuss/72157594533419663/

Heh heh

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

What's Wrong

I cant load the blog!

Friday, February 9, 2007

为什么我想当“咸鱼”。。。



<<咸鱼>> - 五月天

我是一只咸鱼 不想承认 也不能否认
不要同情我笨 又夸我天真 还梦想著翻身

咸鱼就算翻身 还是只咸鱼 输得也诚恳
至少到最后 我还有咸鱼 不腐烂的自尊

我没有任何天分 我却有梦的天真
我是傻 不是蠢 我将会证明 用我的一生

我 如果有梦 有没有错 错过才会更加明白 明白坚持是什麼?
我 如果有梦 梦要够疯 够疯才能变成英雄 总会有一篇 我的传说

我不好也不坏 不特别出众 我只是敢不同
我的人生就是 一错再错 错完了再从头

也许放弃掉一些 活得更轻松 我却不再是我
我不愿一生 晒太阳吹风 咸鱼也要有梦

有一天有我的天空

作我的英雄 在我的天空 我知道你懂 知道你会懂 耶~

Thanks to leonnie...

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as driven and ambitious.

Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Chatting up the boss...

Well, I've said what i need to say to my head of department. As expected, i was asked to stay till the end of the year because of the new psychologists coming in and i need to help with supervision. That, and the fact that another psychologist here has already tendered and due to leave by July.

Have not made up my mind about staying till the end of the year though i would rather leave earlier. My purpose of telling my HOD was to get her to 'spare' me from any training that the school might put me to because i do not want to waste my time, nor do i want the school to waste their money. All in all, it will also prevent any potential 'ugliness' between the school and i, if i am to attend those training yet knowing that i was not going to use the 'skills' learnt now that i am planning to go.

The HOD knew my reasons of wanting to leave and i guess she expected it but i have not really thought of how to say it to the principal. Everyone i know and articles i have read about resigning from one's job, spoke of leaving in a gracious and cordial note. A little difficult now, since i don't quite have a legit reason of leaving (can't say i am pregnant or going to studying can i?) nor do i really like to lie. Bottomline is, i DO want to speak my mind about why i wanted to leave due to how the organization has been managed. Yet on an emotional note, i also do not want to hurt anyone here because i do like them despite their 'flaws'. Looking at it, till now, i can hardly blog about my reasons, what more verbalizing them out. Writing the resignation letter was a breeze... now going to tell it as it is, that's the challenge for me.

In any case, i have to go talk to the principal later today because only she can offcially take me off those training lists that has just been posted up. As to what i'll eventually say, i guess i would only know after my meeting with her.

抱着五月天的阿信

那天做了个又好笑又开心的梦。。。
梦里我与我一位同事来到了阿信的签唱会。
就当我前面只剩几个人时,我突然自觉到自己其实正在做梦,一切只是梦境,并非真实。
奇怪的是我不感到失望,反而打起了一个念头。。。
既然是个梦,那一切应该可以让我支配吧?
现实难以发生的事,在梦里我可以一一的实现。
就在这种‘阿信’全全在我‘掌控’时,我跟他要了一个拥抱。
说来也满滑稽的。。。’阿信‘那时就如一个手脚不听使唤的人,一面hug着我,一面表露着一幅“发生了什么事”的表情, 我不禁暗暗自喜 *heehee*.
醒来时,很开心的把着梦告诉了meowmeow,他也觉得我很好笑,很奇怪。
幸好他不是个容易嫉妒的人,不然我就惨了!:)

Monday, January 29, 2007

梦醒后。。。

睁开眼时,感觉了一股沉闷。
心里老有一种难以形容得心情缠绕着。
似如一个早已填满的黑洞,本该空虚却又累积了一种莫明其妙的感动。
让人的心不经意的觉得阵阵酸,阵阵喜,也带点兴奋与刺激。
有点想起某些幻影,某些似以相识的人,像在我梦里与我分享了一个秘密。
一个己开心,又心痛的秘密。
一个我也不晓得是否有人可以与我分享的秘密。
好想你也有同一个洞,同一个梦。
同样的与我梦醒后感觉这一丝丝的酸与甜。。。

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Inuka


Inuka - Sheba's son
Originally uploaded by AuRoRiN & MoOoK.

Visited the zoo over the weekend to see Inuka and Sheba. Never really took a closer look at them so this was a good chance before Inuka gets relocated after mommy Sheba passes away. Anyway it was a good day at the zoo, seeing the different animals and caught most of the animal shows and feeding. Only pity perhaps is that we only managed to see half of the zoo.